It's one of my co-workers last day today and a group of 12 went out to eat lunch. Obviously his was paid for and whatever he ordered by the company. So he graced this party of 12 with 3 large combination platter appetizers that included calamari, stuffed mushrooms and onion rings. After partaking of the nice appetizer our lunch came out. I had a nice salad with a cilantro lime vinaigrette and fish with chips. It's been several hours since I've ate and I'm still stuffed, still miserable, and still bloody tired!

Later on tonight I have a wedding to go to. Free drinks, snack food and the worst thing ever created; wedding cake!

If I don't die of gluttony today it's because God wants to punish me later.

Boobs vs. Willies

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'. 'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how

many kinds of 'willies' are there?' The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.

'A Christmas tree?' 'Yes --- dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.

I can honestly say that I rarely ever go to the home page of Blog.co.uk simply because I like to look over friends post and then I meet new friends from current friends, a.k.a. networking. However, much to my surprise I actually clicked the home button and low and behold I made the featured blog. I know, I know some of you have a permanent spot on the home page, but this truly made my day.

Go me!

Yes Juzzy, I realize your above me.

Whats your name backwards?
Leumas

Name some lines from the song you are listening to?
We've been to counciling
To try and see the ways we could improve
This thing between us
And different ways to show each other "I love you"
Forget about those getaway vacations
To romantic coastal towns
If you want to say "I love you"
Then put that toilet seat down

Gay or Straight?
Straight.

What goes on your toast?
Grandmas Jelly.

What's the seventh text message in your inbox say?
Call the guy about Kip.

Has someone groped you in the past week?
This morning actually.

Lily Allen or Kate Nash?
Can I have both, at once .

Last person to call you babe?
Girlfriend.

I say ‘Jump!’, you say?
"Huh".

Whats the top played song on your MP3 player?
Chris LeDoux - Riding for a fall.

Who did you last hold hands with?
Jenn.

Who would you like to meet?
Gotta to go with Nick on this one - Ditta Von Tease. She would ignore me of course but, ya know.

Funniest thing that happened today?
Listening to the radio excerpt where a guy calls the police cause he's stoned on brownies and thinks he's gonna die.

Are you insane?
I reserve the right not to incriminate myself.

Whats on your bedside table?
Alarm clock.

How many piercings do you have?
Zero

Whats one of your favourite quotes?
"Fewer things are harder to put up with than annoyance of a good example"

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a S or N?
Nope

Is this year the best year of your life?
So far it's been pretty good, I'll have to let you know.

Ninjas or Pirates?
Do I look f%^king Japanese.

Where do you want to go right now?
HOME!

Who do you want to go with?
There are a few bloggers who shall remain nameless.

Do you hate My Chemical Romance?
Nope, got to have someone to laugh at.

What do you want from life?
To be at peace.

When did you last do sex?
I can say I did it this morning, can't say I have ever done sex.

What's your nickname and why?
Smitty, just came up with it one day.

Anything written on your hand?
Nope

Could you run the Country?
I wouldn't even want to try.

What are your favourite names?
Cooper and panhandle.

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
yes

Name a good song.
Glycerine.

Where's your sister?
At work in Houston, managing a construction crew to build a church.

Have you got balls?
Yes, and someone likes to roll them around.

How would you react if someone kissed you right now?
Wouldn't bother me.

Wheres the weirdest place you’ve peed?
Off the side of a semi truck in New York City because a) we couldn't stop in the traffic and b) there's nowhere to park a semi there.

Are you scared of Cows?
Not in the least.

Anything else to add?
I need more coffee.

I've been looking over my post as of late and noticed that their all humor. It's not that things have been funny and uplifting it's that life has really gotten down right shitty for me and a lot of others on here as well. At least I can say that I'm not having work issues other than them trying to cram more work onto me, but then again, their also paying me for it.

This Friday will be my mentor and friends last day here at work. After 15 years (3 of which I've known him), he has decided that he needs to go elsewhere to have sanity and peace in his life. This is also who's responsibilities I will be taking over. This does make me a little sad and even a little scared because I now have to play politician and juggle both engineering and sales and you can't make them both happy at the same time.

I need to go work dogs and check on the sheep to make sure everyone is doing alright. That's what makes my life complete and I think we should all find what works best for us. Seriously people, I only work in the city to support my hobbies in the country and that's it.

Leaving a sushi bar last night at a local mall and came across this.

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
 
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
 
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
 
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
 
5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.
 
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.
 
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
 
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
 
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
 
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
 
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime. 

I agree with the first one totally.

May I offer

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I've fucked your mum and shes better than you.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING

Since I'm going to be gone for the next couple of days and won't be able to blog hope you have yourself a good birthday.

Hope you can read this.

Hopefully this doesn't happen to Nick when QueeneMab get's tired of taking care of him.

plague

So she doesn't feel left out.

Hope you had a good day!!!

Have a happy Birthday!

Well after my ordeal on Friday I went down to visit my Grandma and help her around the farm. My Dad was up from Houston for a visit and he was there too so it made the trip worth while.

When I got there late Friday night my uncles were there as well. They loaded out cattle from one of the pasture they rent onto semi trucks that morning to go to some feedlot in Nebraska. As we sat around bullshitting they told me they were one head short on the count when they loaded up the cattle. They found the calf deep into some timber on the place and the cowboy couldn't get in it deep enough to get the calf out.

So I told them I would go over in the morning with my dog and try to find the calf. When I went out there, I ran into the cowboy who was looking for the calf too.

(sorry crap picture, camera phone)

You can see in the direction that he was heading that the brush is pretty damn thick. Anyway, we came up with a plan on where the calf might be and I went to walking with one of my dogs.

As luck would have it, I didn't have to go very far and we found the calf buried in some thick brush that if the dog hadn't of spooked her, we might never had found her. This calf is a fighting little bitch and took off after the dog, then saw the cowboy and just flat took off. The dog followed as well as the cowboy who was keeping an eye on her through the timber until we could get her out into the open.

Since I was on foot I didn't get to see most of it other than the cowboy roping the calf, the young horse not stopping like it should and the calf going free. As I finally caught up to them, about a mile away (this is a big, big pasture), he had her roped and she was laying on the ground. Once I got there, I held her down (old cowboy trick, grab the closest front foot, pull up on it and put a knee on her neck) while he got off the horse and hobbled her other 3 legs. I wish I had a picture, but I was wore out and wasn't thinking.

After she was tied up, he rode back to get his trailer and I went to my car to get some water for myself and the dog. Hell, he nearly drank a whole regular bottle of water himself. Once I noticed the trailer coming I went back to the heifer and we proceeded to load her in the trailer out in the open. Using 2 lariats and my dog, we finally persuaded her to go forward into the trailer. If I thought she was crazy before hand, I know she is now. She went to kicking and headbutting the trailer anytime we got near. Needless to say, it was a fast trip back to the farm to get her unloaded with the other heifers we have around the place.

This was done all before noon.

After that I had lunch, you just can't beat Grandma's home cooking. The best part was, she was making pies (yum yum)!

After lunch, I took off with Dad and we went up to the big hill and grabbed some yellow sandstone rocks that he wanted to take back to Houston to put around the flower beds.

So here is me on the 4-wheeler. I brought down 3 dogs with me, Trey and Pip are border collies and Kip is a German Shorthair. Since I can't whistle loud enough with a single hand and drive the 4-wheeler as well, I put on my shepherds whistle to keep them with in a 300 yards of me.
(Dad took the picture as I was calling for the dogs)
Notice the empty basket on the front, that's where I put all the rocks in. It was completely full and over flowing by the time we were done.

On the way back we decided it was time to check the pond we had built out.

While this is my Grandma's place, her kids own all the property around there.

Here's a picture of Dad's loaded SUV with the rocks he wanted. Not a whole lot of them, but it ended up adding ~200 lbs to the back of it.

After that all I did was go over to my Dad's sisters place and have some beers and shoot the shit.

All Sunday amounted too was helping Grandma get a count on all the cattle around the home place. Here's a few pictures of them.



Sometimes all ya need is a little old lady and a bucket of range cubes and the cattle come running.

Needless to say it was a fun distraction from everything else.
Cheers.

Test

Post some more pictures so I can get rid of Juzzy's hairy nipple on the bottom of MyBlog page.

PPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

You Are 81% Real


There's hardly a person on this earth more real than you are.

You're very comfortable with yourself. And because of this, you're able to live an exciting, interesting, and challenging life.

Interesting.

Miss Pussy Declares Her Independence

--Bondi Beach, Australia

Spoken Like a Guy Who's Never Gotten Wake-Up Head

Harvard Psychology Lecture
Cambridge, Massachusetts

1 If you could be any sort of book, Why?

An old western. There was a clear line between good guys and bad guys. Plus there were the good girls to go home to and the whores to shag when away.

2 How many Cities have all the people you will call friends in your life thought about living in?

I'll give an answer to this question when I'm dead.

3 You are in a dark ally at midnight with no way out, and in front of you is a ravening Vampire. All you can find to use as potential weapons are the rind from a Parmesan cheese, a soggy coppy of "Rubber Donkey Monthly" and the stone from an Olive. Do you

A- Shit your self.
B- Wake up screaming.
C- Wake up screaming and shit yourself.

4 If all the Virgins in the world were laid end to end, would it make a good video?

Hell no! There are a reason why some of them are and will always be virgins.

5 How old were you on your tenth birthday?

9 yrs and 16 hrs and 22 minutes old.

6 There is no such thing as saliva, when you eat your teeth are actually crying - discuss.

Tears of joy as I take another bite into the jalapeno.

7 You are at a dinner party and have finished the wonderful meal prepared lovingly by your hosts and are sitting back feeling replete and ready for an after dinner drink. Just then a huge silver back Gorilla burst roaring into the room and throws the hostess face down over the table and begins to take her vigorously from behind. Bearing in mind that you have just lit up a rather fine Cuban cigar, do you take a Port, Brandy or Sherry?

You take the Brandy. Like the Cuban cigar it should be savored to get all of the wonderful aroma and taste from it. Beside, the ape isn't going to last that long and then he'll be gone.